NekoWaffers
by C.W. Smith
Summary: Opps... Hairball
1. Rise of the Demon Cat

Neko-Waffers

Chapter 1: Rise of the Demon Cat

An Evangelion Fanfiction

By: LD

Disclaimer: I like Cats... I don't own Eva...

It was a quiet day in the City of Angels. A day so beautiful that it could lull you into a false sense of calm. Some birds were chirping, some squirrels ran along the local park, and in one apartment a young woman, just entering the prime of her life awoke. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, wiping the sleep from her eyes. She yawned as she grabbed a change of clothes and went to the bathroom to clean up.

It was truly a beautifully calm day...

"MIEN GOTT IN HIMMEL! WAS IST DAS?!"

It HAD been a beautifully calm day.

Asuka Langley Soryu stood stunned, dumbfounded as she looked in the mirror. There was nothing wrong per say with her face. No blemishes on her perfect complexion. No, that wasn't what had caused her to cry out in disbelief and indignation. It wasn't what was causing her ears to twitch on top of her head as her tail stood up straight from her backside...

... Ears? Top of her head? TAIL?!

WAIT WAIT WAIT! Since when did teenage girls have ears on the top of their heads? And a tail? This doesn't make sense, did we just all of a sudden take a left turn from Tokyo-3 and end up somewhere in deep space and living with Katrl-Katrl? Have the Mythra broken the dimensional barrier into this plane of existence? Have they invaded our world in search of their mortal enemies the tentacle monsters?

... Mmmmmm... Catgirls and tentacle monsters... drooooooolllll...

Ahem... excuse me... back to the story...

Asuka's eyes were wide as she reached up and felt the triangular little appendages that hadn't been there the night before. The ears twitched as she touched them. Quickly she reached around and pulled on the tail she now had firmly attached to her body just above her shapely rear. The only thing she could think of was, _"At least the fur matches my hair."_

That was in her opinion the only good thing about this development in her already over burdened life.

--

Shinji was working on breakfast when he heard Asuka's scream through the apartment. He was about to check on her when she stomped right up to him and grabbed him by the collar. He was about to wish her good morning when she screamed, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?!"

Shinji answered this as he always did, with tact, courtesy, and an infinite knowledge bordering on the savant, "Huh?"

Asuka forced his head up, "You put these on my head didn't you! And this," she screamed as she puled the tail around and forced it into Shinji's face.

"You did something to me, changed me to fit your perverted fantasies! YOU MUTATED ME DIDN'T YOU?!"

Shinji remained calm... yeah right, "I swear I didn't. I don't know the first thing about genetic engineering!"

Asuka wasn't buying it, "You're the son of a megalomaniacle maniac and a brilliant bio-physicist, you expect me to believe that?!"

"I just play the cello and cook, I swear!"

Salvation came in the purple crowned form of one Misato Katsuragi. She grabbed Asuka by... well her ear and pulled her away from the scared boy, "Asuka, you shouldn't threaten Shinji this early."

Asuka rubbed her ears a bit, "Have you noticed something wrong here? Like what you just pulled on?"

Misato looked Asuka over. She looked the same as last night, same legs, same stomach, same not quiet as impressive as her own breasts, same tail and cat ears. Misato blinked for a moment, then moved her hand in front of her eyes. She looked at Asuka again and then said, "Shinji, remind me not to buy that brand of Sake again next time we're at the store."

Asuka spoke through her teeth as she said, "As much as I hate to say it, you are not drunk."

"Stoned?"

"No."

"Hallucinating?"

"No."

"Drug induced coma due to being medicated to prepare for a Liver transplant?"

"NO!"

"Oh well, I tried," Misato said and shrugged her shoulders. She made a beeline for the beer and chugged down two beers in rapid succession when she usually only had one. She walked back over to Asuka and got a good look at her. Misato poked at the ears, watching the twitch as she did. Misato did notice how Asuka's tail was flaying all over the place.

Misato thought for a moment and then said, "Oh how adorable!"

Asuka didn't like her statement, "I AM NOT ADORABLE! I AM A FREAK!"

"Awww, don't say that Asuka," Misato said, then proceeded to rub and scratch Asuka's ears.

"Wait, what are you doing. Stop that! I said stop! ... No. Nooooooorow... Meow," Asuka tried to fight it but the power of the ear scratch was too much as her eyes glazed over and a big goofy grin spread across her face. At the same time her tail calmed down and wrapped around her waist once.

"Misato, should you really be doing that?" Shinji asked.

"Sure, she loves it! See?" Misato replied. Shinji had to admit that Asuka did seem to like what Misato was doing. Still, it seemed wrong to play with Asuka's emotions like this. Misato stopped scratching the red heads ears and sat down for breakfast. Asuka was shaken out of her dazed state.

"Where'd I go just now?"

Misato ignored her for a moment as Shinji set out Asuka's breakfast. He then sat down with his cup of tea as Misato said, "We'll take you in and have Ritsuko check you out. She'll be able to figure out whats wrong."

Misato however never had told the kids about Ritsuko's cat girl fetish. She didn't see the need to reveal Ritsuko's personal life to everyone in the world. After all, what she wanted to do in her personal time was her own business. So what if Asuka was a cat girl now? Doesn't mean she had a right to pry!

"Great... as if I didn't have enough problems with getting LCL out of my hair," Asuka grumbled, then tore into her breakfast.

--

Asuka really wasn't comfortable as Dr. Ritsuko Akagi looked her over. She could swear the head scientist for Project E was looking at her with almost hungry eyes as the doctor appraised her ears and tail. She also was a bit nervous at the almost jealous look she was getting from Lt. Ibuki. Akagi was taking her time checking Asuka's tail and appraising the bones in the new body part. She almost had a glazed lustful look in her eyes as her fingers slide over the bright red fur. Asuka cleared her throat a few times.

"Oh, yes... well it does seem as if you have undergone some form of genetic mutation. I'll just take a blood sample and have the MAGI crunch the numbers. I don't know if we'll be able to change you back but we can figure out why this happened in the first place."

Asuka didn't want to hear that answer, "I DEMAND YOU FIX ME NOW! I don't WANT to be a cat girl for the rest of my life."

Ritsuko was a bit shocked by this strike against her wildest fantasy, so much if you looked at her close she might have been about to cry. Her professionalism won out in the end, "I'd rather not screw with your genome until we figure out how this happened. You could end up worse off then you are now."

Asuka's voice was a little shaky as she said, "Worse?"

"You could end up with fur all over the place, whiskers, those cute little glow in the dark eyes... that sweet and adorable little kitty tongue that feels like sand paper when they lick your hand..." Ritsuko said, barely containing her feline induced dementia.

Asuka just nodded and slowly made her way out of the room. Ritsuko's eyes lingered on the young girl as she left. She didn't notice Maya walk up behind her, but knew she was in trouble when the young tech whispered, "I saw how you were looking at her. We'll be having a long talk when we get home Ritsuko."

Ritsuko's eyes flashed with a bit of fear as she answered in a subdued whisper, "Yes Mistress."

--

Asuka unfortunately had to sit outside on a bench while she waited for Misato to get back and take her home. Asuka really wasn't too happy right then. Shinji had made a quick adjustment to an old pair of shorts so her tail wouldn't get squished. So far no less then ten NERV employees, to include Lt's Aoba and Hyuga, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, and three other female techs had scratched her ears. Asuka didn't like it, she especially didn't like how it just seemed to shut off her brain and drop her into some freaked out hazy feeling.

Asuka was wondering if she had any hats that would go with her school uniform when Rei walked next to her. Asuka didn't notice the First Child as she fretted over her plight. Rei however noticed the ears on the Second Child's head. She found herself feeling an odd impulse as she looked at them and the ears twitched. She decided she would follow this odd impulse.

Asuka was getting tired of it all when she noticed someone coming near her. She looked up and saw the Albino First Child approaching her. She wasn't too worried until she saw Rei reach out towards her. "Wait... What are you doing? WAIT! NO PLEASE! STOP! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Thirty minutes later Shinji walked up to the bench he was told Asuka would be waiting. As he walked up he saw Rei there. What worried him was not the presence of the mysterious girl herself, but the fact Asuka's head was in her lap. Asuka had a large grin on her face as Rei scratched and rubbed her ears.

"Ayanami? What are you doing?" Shinji asked.

Rei was a bit startled by Shinji's question, and stopped what she was doing. Asuka came back to the land of the homosapian and felt her head on someones thighs. She looked up and saw that she in fact had her head resting in Wondergirl's lap. She looked ahead and saw Shinji. She was able to handle this the only way she could.

She jumped up and screamed, "GOTT VERDAMMT! Ich BIN NICHT EINE LESBIERIN!" and ran off, almost crying.

Shinji just shook his head and sighed. He really felt that it was wrong for everyone to be taking advantage of Asuka like this. He went after Asuka to try and calm her down. That and to try and stop people from taking advantage of his roommates condition. His sense of decency would demand nothing else but to protect his co-workers virtue in her time of need.

Many people would not assume just from looking at him, but Shinji had a combination of two rather scary traits from his parents. If he was really upset he could hit you with a glare that would put his Father to shame. And if you really pissed him off, you might just get to see him end up berserk like his Mother used to go. Gendo had been on the receiving end of that the first time he tried to teach Shinji to swim. Gendo Ikari was not one to simply go slow, it was quiet literally sink or swim. Yui nearly killed him when he dropped Shinji into the deep end that day.

To this day when asked about swimming Shinji would get a shiver up his back and just say, "Humans weren't meant to float."

Then there were situations like now, when someone he thought of as a friend in spite of what the other may think was in trouble. He ended up displaying a combination of the two. So when he turned down the corridor and saw Asuka pinned up against a wall as she swatted off another male tech checking to see if her ears were real, a low growl could be heard through the hall.

Technician Sadatmo had always liked catgirls in anime. And right here was the Second Child wearing cat ears that seemed to be extremely real. So when he reached to touch them and she shied away he was certain they were. He had to be certain. He didn't expect the strong grip on his wrist and being slammed hard against the other wall by a rather irate Third Child. He could swear the boys eyes were glowing red as he said in a voice MUCH too close to the Commander's, "Leave the Second Child alone."

Tech Sadatmo was about to shit himself... oh wait... he already did...

The poor tech ran off screaming and begging for the demon to let him live. Shinji watched the tech and turned to Asuka. He walked towards her, and felt a pang in his chest as she flinched and tried to turn from him. She was certain Shinji was going for her ears when she felt something being placed softly on her head and it wasn't fingers. She reached up and felt the brim of a ball cap Shinji had pulled out of his backpack.

"There, that should keep those wandering fingers off your ears. Some people, taking advantage of a person like that," Shinji said.

Asuka was a little shocked that Shinji of all people hadn't tried to scratch he ears and get her eating out of his hand so to speak. She knew he wasn't a pervert, and he at least had the decency not to go with the crowd. Still, she couldn't help that she now had a weakness she couldn't control. Even WONDERGIRL had subdued her with the damned ear scratching. It was the most humiliating thing in the world.

"I feel sick," She said and ran off into a nearby bathroom. Shinji was worried as he heard her vomit in the womans rest room. He looked either way to make sure the hall was empty and, with a blush on his cheeks, entered the Ladies room. It was empty thankfully as he went to the stall Asuka was curled up in crying. He did what he thought was best and pulled a paper towel and moistened it in the sink. Then he went and cleaned Asuka's face off as she looked up at him.

"Why? Why aren't you trying to have a go with the cat girl? Everyone else has," Asuka said, the fear and misery filling her voice.

Shinji answered quietly, "I would never take advantage of you like that. It's not right."

He pulled her into his arms and held her for a moment as she calmed down. He spoke comfortingly as he said, "Come on, we'll get home and I'll make you your favorite dinner."

He helped her up, made sure her hat was straight and walked with her out of the bathroom. They walked towards the parking lot, the whole time Shinji shooting glares at any tech or person who gave Asuka's tail more then a general glance. The eyes terrified anyone who saw them, not certain if they were seeing a reflection of Commander Ikari or Unit-01.

--

The apartment was quiet as Shinji came back home. He had made sure Asuka was okay then went to the store to get some things for Asuka's dinner. He also had a treat for her as well that he made sure was nice and secured in the freezer. When Asuka finally decided to come out of her room she was welcomed to the scents of her favorite dishes from home. She didn't know how he had done it, but Shinji had made her one of the best meals she had had since coming to Japan, bratwurst.

She noticed the little smile on his face as she enjoyed her meal.

Once done Shinji led her to the living room and let her get comfy on the couch with the remote. He returned with a bowl of ice cream for her, once again her favorite, strawberry. She dug in and ate the frozen treat slowly as he took her hat off and began brushing her hair out. She couldn't deny how much more relaxed she felt, and it wasn't some freaky euphoria from having a part of her head touched. Shinji seemed to be treating her like a normal human girl.

She relaxed into his tending of her and said in a quiet voice only he could hear, "You'd make a good mother."

Shinji just smiled as he took great care with the young girl. He said, "I've made sure your school uniforms are ready for tomorrow. I know you don't want to go but I think we'll both end up there inspite of it. I think I got the tail hole right, I had to estimate where it was on your back but better that then you unintentionally flashing everyone behind you."

Asuka just hummed, a bit touched that he had taken the effort. She caught herself purring though as he kept going. She just couldn't help herself as the boy she had always called a perverted idiot acted anything but. She idly wondered how such a wimp and coward as Shinji Ikari was every day could know exactly how to help her get through this day.

--

Once again it was a quiet day in the City of Angels. A day so beautiful that it could lull you into a false sense of calm. Some birds were chirping, some squirrels ran along the local park, and in one apartment a young man, just entering the prime of his life awoke. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He yawned as he grabbed a change of clothes and went to the bathroom to clean up.

It was truly a beautifully calm day...

"Oh Boy..."

It was going to be a miserably long and tedious day.

Asuka was waiting outside the bathroom for Shinji to get out so she could get a shower. She wanted to get started earlier today so she could get her tail clean. What she saw when she opened the door made her drop her clothes and bathroom supplies in shock.

Shinji stood there in front of her, two brown furred ears on the top of his head and a tail dropping off his backside. He looked at her and let out a forlorn and reluctant, "M... Me... Meow?"

To be continued...

Authors Notes: Comedy is not usually my forte, lets see what you think.

Pre-Readers: Fresh C, J.C. Moorehead, Dartz

Next Chapter: Baka-Neko!


	2. BakaNeko

Neko-Waffers

Chapter 2: Baka-Neko

An Evangelion Fanfiction

By: Lord Legato Deathscythe

Disclaimer: I still like cats... still don't own Evangelion.

"M... Me... Meow?"

OH NO! You have got to be kidding me... AGAIN?! What nightmare from the infinite pit of Hell has wrought this upon the land? Once is funny, twice is a potential epidemic requiring quarantines, and the CDC, and guys in spaces suits running around the place. Are we safe in here? Don't give me that it doesn't matter we're in a tale of fiction line of crap, ARE WE SAFE IN HERE?!

Shunck... Ow... what's this dart in my neck? Whoa... getting sleepy... ni ni mommy... THUD!

We are currently experiencing technical difficulties... please stand by.

Cheesy hold music wafts through the air. Then as suddenly as it stopped just then, the fic comes back.

"M... Me.. Meow?"

Asuka was stunned as she took in the site of the now boy cat. The ears and tail, while brown in color were still the same as hers. She couldn't fathom what had occurred here. It was almost as if she had infected him with some disease. Some weird virulent pathogen that mutated people into cats. Shinji just looked at her and then dropped his gaze to the floor.

As he walked past he said an a depressed tone, "I'll call Dr. Akagi."

Asuka didn't know if he was more depressed about his nekoism, or having to go see the doctor. After her experience with the blond yesterday Asuka couldn't be certain.

--

Misato got up and stretched out as she slid on something that could have been a shirt... it was rather ragged. She slide her hand along her backside, thankful she hadn't sprouted a tail in the night like her young charge had. She didn't want a repeat of that night in college with Ritsuko, the cat girl costume, and the super glue. She rubbed her head and back side as she remembered how Kaji had tried to get those off her.

Never get Ritsuko drunk and have fake cat related stuff in the same apartment, lesson learned the hard way.

She was just about to step into the kitchen when she saw a brown tail going around the corner. Brown tail? Wasn't Asuka's tail red? Few people knew that there was only one thing that could kick start Misato Katsuragi's brain in the morning without alcohol. Angel Attacks... that really was it as nothing else was on any higher priority then beer save for the Children. So as she stepped into the kitchen and saw that her other ward now had a cute pair of ears and a tail swinging behind him she did the only thing she could do in this situation.

"Awww, you're both so adorable!" and the proceeded to scratch Shinji's ears. The affect on him was much the same as it had been on Asuka the day before. Except however he was currently cooking some eggs for breakfast and was drawn from the euphoria as grease from the pan splattered on his arm.

"Owww, Misato don't do that when I'm cooking! HIIISSSSSSSS!!!" Shinji yelled. Misato backed away slowly as Shinji's fangs glinted slightly in the light. In the back of her mind she made a note to see if Shinji and Asuka would need rabis shots. She was in for another shock as she watched Asuka sit down and hand Shinji a brush.

Shinji proceeded to brush Asuka's hair. She didn't mind this and in fact seemed to be enjoying it. Misato was about to tease them when Shinji suddenly and quiet unexpectedly licked Asuka's ears. He caught himself after that, and Asuka's attention had been drawn from her breakfast. Misato was certain she was about to see a real cat fight when she heard, "Be sure my hair falls properly along my ears."

Shinji nodded and took a sip of his tea. He proceeded to slowly and methodically lick Asuka's ears as he ran the brush over her hair. Shinji didn't seem to catch himself this time and just worked the ears over then ran the brush through Asuka's hair. When he was satisfied he set the brush down and took his seat. By this time Asuka had finished her breakfast. She took the brush and started brushing Shinji's hair and licking at his ears. Misato's brain went into overload as she grabbed three beers and chugged them down hard. She then left the kitchen and just went to get dressed.

Asuka noticed this and asked, "What's with her today?"

Shinji answered, "I don't know."

--

Ritsuko ran her fingers along Shinji's cat ears. Asuka was keeping a watchful eye on the bottle blond doctor as she looked Shinji over. Lt. Ibuki had already collected his blood and was now sitting at a terminal entering in data. She seemed to be almost glaring at the two neko-Children. Shinji hadn't noticed cause his back was to her. Asuka however didn't like it one damn bit, and felt a little scared.

Unlike yesterday Misato was in the room with them and totally ambivalent to the young techs actions. All Misato thought was, "Is this contagious?"

Ritsuko almost seemed to shake in pleasure at the thought. Her voice was a bit shaky as she said, "So far I don't see anything to prove that. We'll know more when we get Shinji's blood test back and compare it with Asuka's." For those listening for any subtext and not trying to keep a good safe distance from the computer tech in the room you could almost hear _"PLEASE PLEASE BE CONTAGIOUS!"_

"Shinji, Asuka, you guys need to head to school. Just wear some hats and I'll call ahead and tell the school your situation," Misato said. Shinji and Asuka wondered why they were heading to school instead of some quarantine until they were determined safe. The two neko-teens didn't have time to voice this as Misato practically shoved them out the door. Misato sighed and looked at Ritsuko.

Ritsuko was shaken from her fantasy of a purple furred tail in unmentionable places as Misato said, "What am I supposed to do? I caught those two licking each others ears like it was no big deal! They did it right in front of me and looked at me like I was the one who had lost it."

Ohhhh... claws along her thighs... "Well, it's logical they would start displaying some feline behavior. This is a change on a genetic level whatever it is. Stuff like this may end up being the norm for those two from now on."

"So what can I do?" Misato asked.

MMMmmmm... kitty tongue... just... in... the... right... spot... "Well, they might end up suffering from some depression because of this. But here," Ritsuko reached behind her desk and brought out a gallon bucket of catnip.

Misato was stunned as she asked, "Why do you have so much catnip?"

YES! YES! CLEAN ME GOOD KITTY! "I buy in bulk."

If Misato had noticed Ritsuko's lust drunk voice at all as the cat fantasies raced through her head she didn't notice. She just grabbed the bucket and headed out with little more then a see you later. Ritsuko tried to go back to her fantasy when she felt an angry hand go between her legs. She froze and was very scared as she heard Maya say, "You little whore! You were thinking of Misato with that cat tongue and tail, I know it. Guess someone didn't learn their lesson well enough last night. I'll just have to reeducate you, Ritsuko!"

Ritsuko shook as she said, "I'm sorry Mistress."

The rest of the day the Project E head's door was locked as her... reeducation commenced.

--

School for the two was an experience to say the least. Both wore ball caps to keep their ears hidden but they couldn't do much about the tails. It wasn't much after the lunch bell rang that the two were surrounded by Kensuke and Hikari. Touji would have joined but all anyone could understand from him was a mumbled, "I'm hungry."

"So why are you two wearing tails like that? It's against school policy to cosplay during the day," Hikari said.

Shinji and Asuka looked at each other and slowly pulled off the hats. Kensuke took a picture if only cause he thought it was cute. Hikari however was more angry at the two, "This is more then just a violation of the school rules! Are you two starting to watch too much anime?"

"Uh... Hikari, "Asuka started but the class rep wasn't done yet.

"Seriously you two, you know full well that the school rules prohibit any additions to the uniform. I'd almost expect this from Asuka but Ikari. I'm very disappointed in you."

"Hikari we aren't..." Shinji tried to say but was interrupted again by the class rep.

"Take those things off right this instant! I don't care if you are pilots or not," Hikari demanded.

"We can't!" Shinji and Asuka both said at the same time.

"And why not?"

Shinji and Asuka looked at each other through the corner of their eyes. Neither was very comfortable and really didn't want to come out like this. They didn't have much of an option though as this whole set up seemed forced and scripted. Like someone was writing out this horrible tale just to make them suffer...

... What are you looking at me like that for?

Asuka decided the direct approach was needed and grabbed Hikari's hand and placed it on her ears. She wasn't too thrilled with the idea of going back to lala land, but if it would get Hikari to back off it would have to do. Hikari didn't seem impressed at first as she just yanked hard on them. Asuka let out a cry of anguish but that didn't stop Hikari who proceeded to try to remove Asuka's ears. It got to the point Asuka thought Hikari would rip her ears clean off. She finally couldn't take it and hissed at Hikari as she batted her friends hands away.

Asuka rubbed her ears and let out what sounded like a hurt meow. Shinji just sighed and put his hat back on as he said, "Something happened, we don't know what but we've gone neko."

The reactions of their three friends were mixed. Hikari looked at the two horrified, wondering how this would match up to the school rules. Surely there was something in there about non-humans and special needs cases. Kensuke seemed to be turning dark red as his brain went into over load. This was personified as he stuttered out, "Too... many... jokes..."

Touji however just looked at them confused. He scratched his head for a moment and then said, "If you guys have cat ears now, what happened to your normal ones?"

Shinji and Asuka just looked at him with blank expressions. Neither had bothered to check this little bit of physiology, and slowly reached up and patted the sides of their heads. The answer to Touji's question could be heard across the entire school yard as two synchronized and forlorn meows rushed across the winds.

Shinji and Asuka just sat there dejected and broken as they had that nasty realization they probably never were going to be normal again. Just then two stuffed mice dropped down in front of them. Hikari, Kensuke, and Touji were amazed at the almost complete turn in their mood as the two started first poking at, then playing with the two canvas lined rodents. It seemed for a second to have really cheered them up. Had the three bothered to look up to where the source of the mice were they would have seen the impassable and stoic face of Rei Ayanami holding those mice and strings on sticks.

It was rather surreal to be certain.

Asuka and Shinji didn't seem to mind when the bell rang and Rei lead them to class using the mice. Their friends just stood there for a second, trying to come to grips with the weird and extremely out of character behavior of the two pilots. Hikari spent the rest of the day researching the school rules and regulations to see if there was anything that even gave this precedence. Kensuke almost hyperventilated as the overload of double entandra nearly killed him.

Touji just kept thinking of dessert... with Hikari as the plate.

--

"This change in the Second and Third Child was not spoken of in the scrolls," one of the dark monoliths that represented a member of Seele said. Gendo didn't care which number it was. He was also slightly disturbed by current events, but his was a more ethereal worry. As if this was something he had been through before.

"The scrolls do indicate the Second and Third may be more then simply human in the end. I do however wonder if this is the end the scrolls spoke of or if the scenario was slightly off," one of the other nameless unimportant old men said.

"The Scrolls were meant to guide us for when man reached an evolutionary dead end. Perhaps this is a case where we assumed too quickly that time had come."

Something was defiantly tickling at the back of Gendo's mind. An experiment or something from years back, he was certain had to do with this. Was it something from his college days? A theory he had read so long ago as to be forgotten until now?

"I don't remember the Scrolls saying that man would bond with cat."

"Maybe something was lost in the translation?"

"That's what you said in '97."

"It looked like Aruba!"

"Then why did you take your mistress with you?"

Gendo did start paying attention to this. He had spent more time on that frozen rock of a continent then he wanted to remember. The only half way decent woman to look at the whole time was Katsuragi, and she was only fourteen at the time. And now he finds out this fossil of a man had gotten the council to send him and his mistress to Aruba!?

"_You have taken from me my wife, now I find you have denied me Island Yui. I shall ensure your ends are as painful as possible,"_ he thought as images of Yui in a coconut string bikini filled his mind. His fantasy of slightly tugging on a loose string was brought to a halt cruelly.

"For the time being the Human Instrumentality Project is on hold. We must be certain we have not over looked something. The rest of this meeting doesn't concern you Ikari," Keil said. Then all the monoliths disappeared.

Gendo sat there for a moment alone. If you listened closely though you could hear a uttered and angry, "Son of a bitch!"

--

Shinji and Asuka's sync tests that day were a lesson in patience. First, the problem with their plugsuits not having a space for the tails. Neither had bothered to pressurize, for fear of a squished or otherwise injured tail. Lt. Ibuki noticed and handed them each a new suit with the aforementioned concern attended to. Ritsuko however was no where to be found, only Lt. Ibuki was around during the sync test today.

All she would say was that Dr. Akagi was tied up at the moment and couldn't be disturbed.

After the tests confirmed that their... condition... wouldn't affect their ability to do important stuff like save the world from utter annihilation they got cleaned up and headed for home. Misato was pulling another all-nighter and they could hear her complaining half way through the complex when Lt. Ibuki told her Dr. Akagi was going to be otherwise unavailable.

The colossal nightmare that was about to unfold never entered into any of he adults minds. It wasn't their fault, they simply assumed situation normal. At least Misato did when she left that bucket Ritsuko gave her on the table when she got home long enough to get changed and out the door again. Yes the situation was all normal for NERV, Tokyo-3, and the two young defenders of the Earth that night. Normal...

"Hey Asuka? Why would Misato buy a whole bucket of oregano?"

"I don't know, but use plenty of it in the spaghetti sauce."

And fucked up beyond all recognition.

--

Ikari was not happy, though no one would guess. Only Fuytusuki knew, and had immediately retreated to his office to indulge in scotch and classical music. To everyone else he simply was the same not unwilling to have you shot and your little dog too if you crossed him. This wasn't the truth, as Gendo actually liked cute little dogs. This was in part due to a dreadful allergy to cat hair.

The only reason he wasn't affected by the pilots transformations was that he avoided contact with the Second and Third period. He couldn't let it be thought he actually had a heart. He had a reputation to uphold after all. He had no illusions that if Yui had been around in her human form and unrestrained he'd have considered the Third and Twelfth Angels fortunate. Yui may love him, but her rages when she was pissed just left him bruised.

That was when he saw Rei, walking to one of the secured elevators. He had been intending to have dinner with her tonight anyways, and not being one to waste time decided to go and attend to the daughter his wife had designed. Few would know that the only reason Gendo actually passed college was because of Yui tutoring him in biology.

... Well... if you could call strip quizzing studying. It certainly made him FEEL smart.

He had followed Rei for a while now, and had finally noticed they were deep within Terminal Dogma. His flashback to that night where Yui had quizzed him on human anatomy had been running through his head so we can forgive him for not really paying attention. However, Rei was heading for an old lab no one had been in for who knew how long.

Gendo decided to simply hang back and not let her know he was following. A few things were starting to click in his usually sharp mind. It had only been dulled due to his one weakness, mental images of scantily clad Yui. But now he was alert, he was primed, he remembered that while he had a major allergy to cats Yui was absolutely obsessed with them. A trait shared by Akagi oddly enough. He stepped up quietly to the slightly ajar door to an old biophysics lab and looked inside. What he saw shook him to his very core. He wasn't certain which he should be more worried about...

What Rei was doing... or what she was wearing while doing it.

To Be Concluded...

Wait... We AREN'T going into more with this chapter?

Won't that piss off the readers?

Oh, okay. I suppose we don't want to let all the secrets out yet.

pre-read by: Fresh-C


	3. The Tank of Dr Ayanami

Neko-Waffers

Chapter 3: The Tank of Dr. Ayanami

An Evangelion Fanfiction

By: Lord Legato Deathscythe

Disclaimer: Aren't cats just the most adorable pets you can have next to beagles? I think they are... and I know I don't own eva still.

Shinji's first alarm clock this morning was the sunlight streaming into the living room. That was when the second alarm clock, namely the four alarm hangover kicked in. He wasn't certain how he had ended up on the floor, or why he felt like Misato on her days off, but he was certain of alarm clock number three. He was buck naked, under a thin blanket... and there was soft flesh pressed against his.

This lead him to unwillingly open his eyes and look down at the red head who was using his rather meager chest as a soft comfy pillow...

... Oh crap... Are we going to have change the fics rating for this?

Shinji tried desperately not to move, as much not to wake the German cat girl sleeping on him and playing air hockey with his eyeballs as to aleve the pain in his skull. The realization that he could do nothing to save his own life actually allowed him to enjoy the moment, and tighten the apparent hold he had on Asuka. As he did, with her unconscious form snuggling in closer to him and a purr coming from deep within her throat he tried to remember the night before. The last thing he remembered clearly was putting dinner on the table and sprinkling a bit more of the oregano on his and Asuka's plates for flavor and garnish.

Everything else after that was a bit fuzzy, he remembered tails, and something warm and pleasant. That was about it.

It was then he realized Asuka was also slowly starting to wake up, and could hear a pained mewling sound as she did. Asuka also wasn't feeling to well as the morning sunlight reached her eyes. She however was suffering from a massive headache, as well as being a bit sore in some unmentionable regions of her body. She DID remember enjoying getting that way, but that was about it. The she realized what she was snuggled up on, and it was anything but Kaji's manly chest.

She looked up and straight into the pain filled half open eyes of Shinji. She SHOULD have been mad. She SHOULD have been pissed. She SHOULD have turned the Third Child into a Eunich and played table tennis with his jeuvos.

If only her head didn't hurt so damned much.

"Do you remember how we got here?" she asked in a suffering whisper.

"No," he answered in kind.

"What was in that spaghetti you fed me?"

"The usual, tomatoes, garlic, various seasonings, nothing out of the ordinary. I added a bit more oregano from that bucket Misato brought home with her last night for color when I was done."

Asuka's brain stopped at that. Oregano... from a large unmarked bucket... Misato wouldn't have... had that sort of thing in the apartment would she? Even she wasn't THAT irresponsible! Asuka's head started to kick into first gear, then second, then ground it's gears as thinking caused her head to flare up in pain.

"How do you feel right now?" she asked.

"My head feels like Unit-01 is Berserker and trying to rip it's way out. You?"

"Like an Angel came down and fried my brain," she said.

They laid there for a moment, not really wanting to move. Both had to admit that the situation, as uncomfortable emotionally as it was, was nice on a physical level. Asuka was actually feeling calmer and happier now then she could remember, and that was ignoring the fact she was stark naked in the middle of the living room.

Shinji decided to ask the obvious, "So what do we do now?"

Asuka only had one answer for that, "Pull the blanket over our heads and hope the pain doesn't last."

Shinji was alright with that arrangement.

--

Misato walked in the door a while later, exhausted from the shift she had just pulled. Ritsuko had picked the worst time to get chained to her desk for whatever reason. Maya hadn't elaborated on what. All Misato wanted right now though was a beer and eight hours of blissful sleep. No more strangeness for the next twenty-four hours, or she would put a bullet in someones brain.

And this is when God decided to punish her for her sins. All of them, all at once, and bumped up ten fold.

Her foot made contact with a large white and still pretty full bucket on the floor. The bucket was open and she could see the dried leaves and buds in the bucket easily. A bucket of green dried buds in the kitchen should have meant something to her. She knew there was something she should have known. If only she was awake enough to care.

... If she wasn't before, the sight of her two charges laying in the living room floor naked and cuddling certainly kick started her brain. Neko kids... green herb in a bucket... neko kids using green herb in a bucket... a bucket she had gotten from Ritsuko... FULL OF CATNIP!

She walked into the kitchen again, past Pen-Pen (who was impressed at how well she was taking it, I might add) and started the day the best way she could. With a beer and a prayer to the angels of birth control.

... Wait a second... That's a direct line copy from chapter forty-one of Strike Fiss' Higher Learning...

... Won't we get hit for plagiarism?

...A homage to the story you say?

Your ass, not mine.

Misato heard the two rousing from their slumber, the headaches still not completely relieved from them. She could vaguely here Shinji ask, "Where are my pants?" followed by Asuka replying, "Doesn't matter, we'll just share the shower. Not like there's any turning back at this point."

She nearly choked to death on her beer.

"Should we be trying to get past some deep seated fears and issues before pushing a relationship this far?" Shinji asked as the approached the bathroom.

Asuka just shrugged her shoulders, "Who needs the stress? All it will do is just be a horribly sappy scene where we for all intents and purposes cut out our hearts and stitch them back in badly. We end up crying, holding onto each other, then probably fucking again. I say we skip that and just enjoy things."

Shinji didn't really disagree with her. He did have one request of her though.

"Be sure to check my tail, the end feels a little sticky."

Neither really paid attention the the heavy thud from the kitchen of a body hitting the floor.

--

Fuyutsuki knew it was going to be a difficult day as he boarded the train to go into work. The sky was already dark and looked like a major storm was in the making. He had already found the paper sold out at three newsstands, which was unusual to say the least. And to top it off he could swear Akagi walked onto the train with a slight limp while looking exhausted. All of these things added together meant that he was going to have a hard day at the office.

This was proved a correct assumption when the first thing he heard as he sat down at his desk to enjoy his morning tea was, "Fuyutsuki, please come to my office immediately," over the Commander's intercom.

The fact Ikari had used the word "please" in a sentence was strange enough. It also just made him wish he was closer to mandatory retirement then he was. So it was this mood he took with him as he walked the long walk from the office door to Ikari's desk.

"_Bastard's trying to kill me, making me walk that distance at my age every day."_

"Professor," Ikari started completely ignoring the winded look on the old man. "We have a problem with Rei."

Trying to suck in enough air to respond the aged Professor asked, "Has she sprouted cat ears and a tail as well!?"

Gendo grit his teeth as he sat at his desk, "If only it was that simple."

Fuyutsuki didn't really catch his breath until Gendo finished telling him what he had found. Along with the video and MAGI records. Whether it was just the advanced age or the information he was given that kept him from really feeling like his heart wasn't going to burst he didn't know.

"Do you want me to have Akagi look over this?"

If he didn't know better the old professor could have sworn he saw a look of absolute terror in the Commander's eyes even behind the tinted glasses, "ABSOLUTLY NOT!"

--

School for the two cat children went smoothly for the most part the first half of the day. Asuka seemed a little more calmer and happier then normal. If Hikari didn't know better she would think her friend had become bipolar. Or that someone had replaced her with a hyper happy clone who was all over the only cat boy in class. Shinji as well was probably abducted by aliens, at least that was what Kensuke was thinking as he watched him bap around his pencil on his desk.

During lunch the two seemed to be enjoying some sort of fish meal Shinji had prepared. After which the trio were treated to a show of the two cat children chasing each other around. It was truly a mind bending sight. The mental stability of the three children watching this was not helped when Rei walked up and started petting the two and scratching their ears.

It was truly a day of oddities and weird behavior. It was like the two weren't the same people they had been up to that day. As proved further by how they were napping. Shinji was on his stomach with his head resting on his arms while Asuka used his back for a pillow. The sound of purring also seemed to be apparent.

"This is weird," Kensuke said.

"This is strange," Touji said.

"This has to violate the school policy on public displays of affection," Hikari said.

Yes, Hikari had combed through the school regs and had found nothing as it related to human/animal hybrids and how their behavior should be treated. However since the teacher had not mentioned anything, indeed if it weren't for his constant droning you would have to question his continued status among the living, she just let it pass. She couldn't punish them for something that may have been instinctual, and as there was no policy to cover it she wouldn't be too harsh on them.

However the administrative staff was going to catch hell for not being prepared for this sort of thing. Never mind that it was genetically impossible, they should have been ready for it.

Everyone was about to go back into class, however a black car showed up and two Section-2 Agents requested Rei join them. This wasn't out of the ordinary so none of the children paid it any mind. Though Rei did hand Hikari a mouse on a stick to get Shinji and Asuka's attention when needed. The class rep proceeded to just walk back and hope she didn't get clawed.

For the children at school the day progressed as normal as it could. For Rei however, she found herself brought before Commander Ikari and Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki. She knew there may be something... amiss. She was not disappointed when, without saying anything the Commander turned a small computer monitor around and began a video stream.

Her face remained unemotional as she watched all the video logs the Commander had apparently found of her experiments. She had thought she encrypted those. She knew full well about Akagi's madness and did not wish to give her any ideas. She also knew what was coming next and she didn't like to think about it.

"Rei... what have I told you?"

"No experimenting on NERV Personnel," Rei said, her voice taking on the tone of a scolded child if you knew what to listen for. Which Gendo did.

"It doesn't help that apparently the Second and Third Children were exposed to extreme amounts of catnip last night. Can this be reversed?"

Rei blinked, "Reversed?"

He didn't break with his usual stare often but he did now as he buried his face in his hands. "Just like her mother I swear," he muttered too low for anyone to hear. This was not good, a major deviation from the scenario, and a major distraction for his lead scientist whom he hadn't heard from all day. He'd have to check with her assistant later. Add to that the report that the catnip had induced some rather romantic if not down right lustful feelings in two of his pilots and he would need a bottle of scotch later.

Yui did this to him often enough, with her crazy experiments and wacky theories. Keeping her focused just on building Unit-01 had been a chore. She'd end up working on another idea in her off time, and she never considered how to undo what she did. This was going to end up being worse, he could feel it.

"Rei, I want all information on these experiments of yours destroyed. I want you to make sure no one, especially Akagi can retrieve anything about this. Your experiments never happened am I understood?"

Only Gendo Ikari and possibly his son would have been able to notice the hint of disappointment in Rei's voice as she said, "Yes sir."

As the First Child left the office Gendo pulled out a glass and poured himself a glass of water. He dropped a couple of Alka-Seltzer tablets in and drank it all down. All he needed now to make today perfect were the Old Men doing something incredibly stupid with this information.

--

"We must allow these two vanguards of the next stage of human evolution a chance to propagate the new species. Ikari, you will see to it that their needs are met in order to facilitate this," Kiel said from his monolith.

"_I knew it... they have gone senile,"_ Gendo thought. He then downed another dose of Alka-Seltzer.

--

A month passed. No one else experienced the strange mutation that had affected. While the Commander, Fuyutsuki, and Rei knew the truth no one else ever figured it out. Ritsuko sulked for weeks, during which time she would also disappear suddenly. Lt. Ibuki would only say, "She's tied up for an indefinite period of time."

When a reason was needed for what had happened Gendo Ikari told Fuyutsuki, "We'll blame it on the Eva. We blame it for everything else around here." He then promptly returned to his scotch.

And so life went like that. Nothing more out of the ordinary...

Nope...

No sir...

Everything was jussssssttttt fine...

... Who the hell am I kidding?

"SHE'S WHAT?!"

... And the hits just keep on coming. Seriously, this is just starting to get old. And wasn't that a gag from an older fic where Asuka ends up knocked up?

Hey, you want to call it an homage then be my guest.

This is gonna be a long nine months.

To Be Continued!

JEEZE finish it up already! I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

... What do you mean my contract says for an indefinite period?

... I'm gonna kill my agent.

Author's notes: No note, just me kidding around. It's kind of relaxing to not do serious work for a bit.

No Prereaders this time around. Just spell check and me making sure everything looks right. I did get Strike fiss' sign off on he homage bit though.


End file.
